Thursday, December 16, 2010

All I want for UK Christmas Number One is...

have you heard?I'm going to be very controversial here but I want Matt Cardle's 'When we collide' to be the UKs Christmas Number One. If only to piss off all the Christmas number one campaigns flocking the internet right now. The UK Christmas Number One seems holier than Jesus in the UK so it's a big deal. In the past novelty songs made it to number one, Westlife made it to number one and, you will not believe this one, Christmas songs made it to number one. But, the X Factor ends just before Christmas. So logically, the kiddies who voted their winner will spend more money for the winning song. It ends just before Christmas, just before the end of the year.

Now, I can understand people don't like X Factor, I'm not a big fan of the show myself and usually only watch the auditions. I can understand that you get fed up with an X Factor winner getting the holier than thou Christmas Number One. Is this music? Argue all you want about that. Is X Factor about music? No. X Factor is a competition between the judges who each have their own group to compete with, the female singers, the male singers, the over 25 singers and the bands. The contestants are their pawns. Their weapons if you want. And they use music. So saying that your not a music fan because you watch X Factor is a bit harsh. Back in the day people jumped through hoops and fell into a kiddie pool with dishwater to win a microwave, now people sing in order to win a record deal.

When Alexandra Burke killed Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah (I refuse to say Jeff Buckley, it's by LEONARD COHEN, if you don't understand that, you might want to check your music library) with which she won the X Factor in 2008. As a reaction people downloaded what they claimed the original by Jeff Buckley which made it to the top ten with Burke making it to number one. Cohen thankfully charted as well. In 2009, revolution! No more X Factor number one! Let's all download 'Killing in the name of' by Rage Against The Machine! Revolution indeed, RATM actually became that year's Christmas number one, ironically the key in that 90s classic revolution song (totally killed by this campaign) are the words 'Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me', and by doing exactly that it became a hit (and RATM riding the wave, shamefully). So, with that success, let's repeat that for 2010.

Bad idea.

The number of individual campaigns is insane, to make that work you got to work together. Every fanbase roots for their own band. Good on you and good for the band who will make an extra dime but stay realistic, a group of 50 will not make a Christmas number one. Matt Cardle won with 'When we collide' which is a over of 'Many of horror' by (shock oh horror) indie band Biffy Clyro. To download that song as a statement, be my guest. Biffy Clyro will be the very last to say anything, here's a band with a nice Christmas bonus. Ka-ching! Then there's John Cage ('cleverly' dubbed Cage Against The Machine. Yes, I yawned) 'Silent single' which is 4.33 minutes of musicians standing in the recording room, but not doing anything. I actually understand what you're trying to say but come on! Grow up! They mean this seriously and well, no. Just no. It's just dumb. These people do not understand X Factor. With an eye on the mid-charts, many people don't get the silent single either. And hallelujah for that.

This Christmas, buy what you LIKE. What song is good? Get that. And if you hate X Factor that much, do yourself this favour: buy 'Surfin' Bird' by The Trashmen. It's the one anti campaign that makes sense. Haven't you heard?